The R3turn ... to work

Noooooo ... can I NOT go back to work?

This was how I felt on Sunday evening.

I cried my heart out ... cried my baby a stream, a river, a sea.

Separation anxiety, couldn't bear to think of parting with my beloved lil' princess. 

Gosh, I really can't describe the feeling but I now understand how a mother feels when they know that they will no longer spend the whole day with their child whom they took care of for the past 3 months.

How do you face leaving your small baby at home whilst you are away at work? Can you even concentrate on work at all? 

Come Monday morning ... 

I've got to admit, it was slightly chaotic for me as I ticked off the things to pack in my baby's bag AND my bag too!

I had packed her bag the night before and ensured that I had the ice packs, breast pump and storage bottles ready for me to bring to the office.

The tick sheet was more of ensuring that I've got it all and didn't miss out on anything (kinda paranoid if I were to realize in the office that I'd miss out ANY of her stuff!).

As I dropped her off at the nanny's house and had a chat with the nanny, I could find myself calm down as I trust the nanny completely, seeing how my lil' princess was comfortably nestled in the nanny's arms, without a care in the world.

In the office ... 

I struggled with the breast pump as I had to spend approximately 20 minutes away from my desk each time. 

Hubby was right, should have gotten the double pump instead (knocking my head now since I was adamant to use the single pump, thinking that it was more convenient to carry to the office.)

Mon evening ... 

Hubby fetched me from the office, bringing along our lil' princess. 

She was already in her pyjamas, smelling all nice and the minute I held her in my arms, she was smiling broadly.

I held her tight ... didn't want to let go as I had missed her so damn much, even though it was only for 10 hours or so ...

It's been 4 days and I've gotten the hang of this routine, though it's tiring ... but all is well the minute I see hubby and her ... 

I love them both to bits!

Engorgement

Engorgement. Engorged.

The feeling where your breasts feel hard as a rock and it's PAINFUL ... 

Even more so when you attempt to feed your baby, the milk will spray onto baby's face! 

Luckily, I always use a small cloth at each feed so that when this happens, I will conveniently use this cloth and apply pressure onto the breast to stop its flow.

My lil' princess seems to understand this routine and will patiently wait for the flow to stop and resume her feed.

I used to pump each time the breast is full and will not time the session (being a newbie). 

I always find myself soaked at 3am, when milk production is active. 

Little did I know that the more you pump, the more milk will be produced (body thinks baby is hungry and will provide more supply). 

I was happily pumping away and emptying my breasts only to have them full again TWO HOURS LATER!

It was tough!

I read online and got tips on how to bluff your breasts not to produce too much milk.

Apply ice packs or cold water onto your breasts to slow down the milk flow if it leaks (they call it a letdown). 

Warm water relieves engorgement but this will also actively produce milk. (explains why every time I take a hot shower, I'll be leaking at the same time).

Feed baby with the same breast at least 2 feedings as this will let your body know that baby doesn't need that much. 

If you feed baby with both breasts during the same feeding, it'll tell your body that baby wants more ...

I had to nurse my baby at 4 feedings with the same breast to notice the changes.

Yup, no longer soaking in milk in the wee hours of the morning!

p/s: The above is based on my own experience and it would be best if you consult your ObGyn for professional advise.

"Dirty" LIl' Secret

I must warn you that this may disgust you at one point.

What I'm about to discuss is something personal but equally important for other first-time moms like me.

The oh-so-embarrassing condition of suffering from hemorrhoid.

I must admit that visiting the bathroom to pass motion isn't something I look forward to ever since I gave birth to my lil' girl in June 2011. 

I would remember the episode of pushing the baby out during delivery and I'd be worried.

No, scared to death that my stitches would come off!!!

Possibly a month ago, I started bleeding each time I passed motion but there was NO pain. 

A couple of days later, I noticed something protruding down there, accompanied by pain pain pain!

One day it got worse and I had trouble walking and sitting ... the pain was excruciating!

I cried as I was taking care of baby on my own during the day when everyone else was at work.

I struggled to carry her, stand, walk or do just about anything!

I have tried ice packs and hot water, to reduce the swelling.

It got slightly better but not for long.

It was such a tiring process as I needed to make trips to the bathroom every now and then.

Hubby wanted to bring me to the clinic but I was obviously embarrassed to have someone examine my behind! 

My ObGyn had previously subscribed Duphalac which softens the stool (not to treat hemorrhoid) as I confessed to him I had difficulty passing motion after delivery. 

It worked.

This time around, hubby went to the pharmacy to purchase the medication. 

There was this ointment called Proctosedyl Ointment.

He also bought the pills for consumption (don't worry, all safe to be consumed even if you are nursing your baby).

The next day, the pain subsided and it took me roughly 3 days to feel the reduction of the swelling. 

I also read online that it will resume to normal ie no bleeding, etc within 6 months.

Wow ... that's a SUPER long time to wait!

I still bleed now when I pass motion and feel slight pain (obviously flinching in the process). 

I make sure that I don't sit nor stand too long, carry heavy stuff and watch my diet, that means NO spices too.

Guess I'll just have to wait for another 3 months to see if it's entirely healed ... else, to the ObGyn we'll GO!